Book Bites September 2025: QBQ! The Question Behind the Question: Practicing Personal Accountability at Work and in Life

Why This Book:

Personal responsibility is a huge part of leadership but often overlooked and rarely discussed. However, it is paramount to leadership of any kind. The book is 133 pages, a very easy read, and 39 short, digestible chapters—some as short as one page.

You Should Read This Book If You:

• Have ever heard or asked these questions:
  • “When will that department do its job right?”
  • “Why don’t they communicate better?”
  • “Who dropped the ball?”
  • “When is someone going to train me?”
• Generally want things to go better at work
• You want to make better choices
• You see lack of responsibility in others
• You want to eliminate procrastination
• Want to lead a successful team
• Improve the productivity of your current teams

Introduction:

The author sets the tone for the book by exploring what personal accountability is. He offers, instead of asking questions that blame others, when we ask more personally accountable questions, “it is one of the most powerful and effective things we can do to improve our organizations and ourselves.”

Chapter 1: A Picture of Personal Accountability

The author defines “IQs,” or incorrect questions. What are these you may ask? Questions asked through a negative lens don’t solve the problem. Nothing positive or productive comes from IQs and implies that someone or something else is responsible for the problem or situation. This chapter defines QBQs (the questions behind the question) as: “A tool that enables individuals to practice personal accountability by making better choices in the moment.” Hmm, this ought to be interesting. Let’s read on.

Chapter 2: Making Better Choices

The author explains that we always have a choice; even deciding not to make a choice is, in and of itself, a choice. Understanding this principle is the first part to understanding personal accountability, and the first big step toward changing our situation for the better.

Chapter 3: The Question Behind the Question

Often our first reactions to a situation are negative, bringing into mind IQs (incorrect questions). But, if we learn to discipline ourselves to ask better questions, the questions themselves can lead us to better results. One of the guiding principles of the QBQ is “The answers are in the questions.” So, if we learn to ask better questions, we get better answers. The kicker is, these are questions that we ask ourselves, not others. He shows you how to construct questions to ask ourselves that help to lead to better results and then gives examples. Here is how to construct a QBQ:

1. It begins with “What” or “How” (not “Why,” “When,” or “Who”)
2. It contains an “I” (not “they,” “we,” or “you”)
3. It focuses on action

Chapter 4: Don’t Ask Why

The author challenges us to, instead of asking who, when or why questions, to ask instead:

1. “How can I do my job better today?”
2. “What can I do to improve the situation?”
3. “How can I support others?”

Chapter 5: The Victim

This chapter, all two pages of it, describes in a very succinct way how easy it is to slip into a victim mentality and how to identify the signs of it happening simply by the questions we are asking.

Chapter 6: Why Is This Happening to Me?

Stress: Is it a choice? Is it a result of our choices? The author says yes and he explains why.

Chapter 7: Why Do We Have To Go Through All This Change?

This chapter encourages us to assess the relationship we have with change. He shares the story of what happened when a man and his daughter were flying in a plane and the engine quit. The author reiterates that change is constant and what works today may not necessarily work tomorrow. So, he guides the reader through two important steps and how to create a series of prepared responses when faced with unexpected change (as ironic as that may seem).

Chapter 8: Why Don’t THEY Communicate Better?

Lack of communication is often an organization’s largest challenge. The author shares that, “Effective communication is not someone else’s job, nor does it begin with being understood. Rather, it’s about understanding the other person.” He doesn’t just leave it there though. He offers simple quick solutions that can be the start of turning a situation around…all by the questions that we ask.

Chapter 9: Don’t Ask ‘When?’

Don’t ask “When?” because it can lead to procrastination. Huh? When we are asking “When?” of others, “we have no choice but to put off action until another time.” You have to read the chapter to fully understand it in context. It makes complete sense. Procrastination leads to lost time and productivity, which can be devastating to organizations. Additionally, it can lead to increased stress. Thankfully, he provides some alternatives to the “When?” questions to help find solutions, avoid procrastination and reduce stress.

Chapter 10: Procrastination: The Friend of Failure

Take care of small things when you can, because if you don’t, they can snowball into much bigger problems that aren’t as easy to solve.

Chapter 11: When Will We Get More Tools and Better Systems?

True creativity is succeeding within the box. How do we hit targets, reach goals, do the job well and make a difference with the tools we ALREADY have? Focusing on what we don’t have can be a waste of time and kill innovation which can be devastating to any organization.

Chapter 12: When Are We Going to Hear Something New?

Stick to the fundamentals and keep showing up. Fads will come and go, but fundamentals will stand the test of time. I love the challenge of instead of asking, “When are we going to hear something new?”, to instead ask ““How can I apply what I am hearing [differently]?” – even though I have heard it before.”

Chapter 13: Don’t Ask ‘Who?’

Blame is the “most pervasive and counterproductive” of all the ideas discussed in the book. There is an epidemic of blame and at the end of the day it solves for nothing. Instead of getting together to brainstorm to create, we blame-storm and get nothing accomplished. The author challenges us to instead as ourselves, “What can I do today to solve the problem?”

Chapter 14: A Poor Sailor Blames the Wind

The author uses practical examples to show how ridiculous blame can sound and makes the statement that “accountable people look for solutions, not scapegoats.” Not only do they not blame others, they don’t blame themselves, nor do they mentally or emotionally torture themselves. They instead ask themselves, “What could I have done differently?” or “How can I learn from this experience?” Questions like these open the door for personal growth and keep blame at bay.

Chapter 15: Silos

When organizations operate in silos, it is like they are riding on a tandem bike sitting in different directions; a lot of time and energy spent but no forward movement. It is important that organizations break out of their silos and remember to work together because everyone is on the same team with the same destination.

Chapter 16: Beat the Ref

This may possibly be my favorite chapter in the book. The author is encouraging us to not to do just enough to get by, but to whatever we do to the best of our ability. Everyone at some point in their career is going to have a barrier they have to overcome, and often it will be out of our control. By striving for excellence, we increase the chances of us succeeding no matter what life throws at us. If you want to be successful, don’t focus and/or complain about the things you can’t control. Instead, let go of the things you can’t control and focus on changing the things that you can control.

Chapter 17: “Who Dropped the Ball?”

Yikes…I used this phrase literally just yesterday. Ok. So, someone dropped the ball; they won’t be the last person to do so. So, instead of asking that question (or in my case identifying who dropped the ball), focus on what you can do to make a difference; often more so for your own peace of mind more than anything else.

Chapter 18: Ownership

“Personal accountability in its purest form.” It means facing the problem head on without complaining or assigning blame (which can be difficult to do). However, what is the alternative? Complaining about it? The amount of time and energy wasted on that isn’t worth it. Face the challenge head on and try to solve it to save precious time, energy and effort.

Chapter 19: The Foundation of Teamwork

The foundation of teamwork is understanding differences and gifts in others and accepting them just as they are. Then curating positions that best fit them…. without trying to change them.

Chapter 20: Making accountability personal. All QBQs contain an “I” (not ‘they’, ‘we’, or ‘you’)

The author debunks the myth that a manager can try to hold someone accountable. It won’t work if the person doesn’t feel a sense of personal accountability. Additionally, as important as teams are, they won’t be successful unless each person assumes personal accountability. He shares that the statement “What can we do?” is problematic because if each person doesn’t ask “What can I do to move the project forward?” it opens the door to blame.

Chapter 21: I Can Only Change Me

Change only comes when someone wants to. Our understanding of this, and even more importantly, accepting this principle is paramount. In a group meeting, the author asked if there is one thing they could change, what would it be. The list was long, but interestingly, no one every says “me.” What would it look like if within organizations, each person focused on molding and shaping their own thoughts instead of changing others?

Chapter 22: “He Didn’t, I Did.”

When we allow others to be themselves and stop trying to change them, team dynamics improve. This chapter discusses an important lesson learned by a manager.

Chapter 23: “When Will Others Walk Their Talk?”

In this chapter, the author defines, discusses and gives examples of integrity. He encourages us to work on our integrity first before trying to spot it (or the lack thereof) in others.

Chapter 24: An Integrity Test

As horrifying as this sounds…it is. Be ready for cold water in-the-face with this test. However, the honest answer to this test can be the key to real change. The author’s suggestion to the result of the test? Believe or Leave. I encourage you to read the rest of the chapter to find out what he is talking about.

Chapter 25: The Power of One

It is vitally important that each person on a team takes personal responsibility for their part. We each have to look at ourselves and before each person identifies how they can contribute to a solution, also identify how we may be contributing to the problem. When that happens, so does the magic.

Chapter 26: A QBQ Twist

The author adds a little spin to the Serenity Prayer. It made me chuckle, but if you really think about it, it makes sense. I will not rob you of the opportunity to read it for yourself. So read it and let me know what you think about it.

Chapter 27: Will the Real Role Models Please Stand Up!

This chapter ends with a powerful question, “Who’s watching you?” It is a reminder that we are always an example for someone at any given time. Does our behavior reflect what we would like to be emulated?

Chapter 28: Practicing Personal Accountability - All QBQs Focus on Action

What questions can you ask yourself that lead to actions that help you solve a problem? Once you discover this, you will be one step ahead of the game.

Chapter 29: The Risk of Doing Nothing

The only thing riskier than taking action (even if it may be wrong) is doing nothing. It is almost never the better choice (shout it louder for the people in the back please!). Decide what to do. This chapter helps to take the fear out of making decisions and helps to eradicate analysis paralysis.

Chapter 30: “Thanks for Shopping at the Home Depot”

The author shares an example of a Home Depot employee that made a small gesture that resulted in huge impact. The chapter reminds us that each and everyone can make a meaningful impact when we decide to take action.

Chapter 31: Leaders at All Levels

Leadership is about the way we think. It is about disciplining our thoughts and practicing personal accountability at all times. This puts an interesting twist on the saying "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he". Not only if one thinks they are leader will they be, but almost more importantly, WHAT they are thinking shapes and molds that person as well. Hmm, food for thought.

Chapter 32: The Cornerstone of Leadership

Humility. According to Merriam Webster: freedom from pride or arrogance. This is the cornerstone of leadership.

Chapter 33: Accountability and Boundaries

Asking what you can do to help, and support doesn’t mean doing everyone else’s work for them. Instead of doing it for them, perhaps, ask how else they can get the work done (without them necessarily having to do the work). Either way, support others all while also getting your work done by setting effective boundaries.

Chapter 34: A Great List of Lousy Questions

Definitely one of my favorite chapters of the book. A list of lousy questions to avoid (that you may have found yourself asking) to start you down the right path of personal accountability.

Chapter 35: The Spirit of the QBQ

The author helps you construct your QBQs with the guidance of the principle that the spirit of the law (or in this case the question) would align with the letter of the law (the question).

Chapter 36: Wisdom

The author defines it as “what we learn after we know it all.” I personally like the example that knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad. He reminds us that the path to personal accountability is a journey, not a destination.

Chapter 37: We Buy Too Many Books

Guilty as charged! If we are not putting into action lessons we have learned, then we have wasted a lot of time, money and energy on buying books, listening to podcasts and watching webinars. Action is what will make a difference.

Chapter 38: The Final Picture

“Many hands make light work.” The whole point of this book is to help our organizations not only operate but thrive. To get there, the company culture has put down its practice of finger wagging and/or procrastination and create a culture of personal accountability.

The Last Bite

To be honest, parts of this book were definitely difficult to chew on. It is so much easier to blame others. But honestly, where does that really get us? Our organizations, departments, programs etc. can only be as successful as the level of our personal accountability. Let that sink in. I charge you to set the example. When you set the tone and be the example, it gives those you lead permission to do so too.

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